2006 WAS GREAT FUN

A NEW YEAR!


If you get a second dash over to Media Report (hit my profile and click on it) some pictures of a small Knoxville radio reunion show on AM 1180 this week will be up Sunday (12 31 06) night. Included in the gossip and remembrances of old radio "daze" there is an inside report on the now famous Eddy Beacon Bank Robbery, don't miss it!

Looking back at 2006 my favorite story was Barbaro. I saw him pull up in the Derby, and then later followed the coverage of him being moved to the hospital. Over the next few weeks everyone from the docs to the fans had him in the ground, but Barbaro fooled everyone. It is both odd and sad that while the liberals are sobbing over the neck tie party given to SoDamnInsane (check it out, it will make you throw up
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3034002) this great Champion's victory over death is going unreported by the drive by media.

Across the river the stories that made me laugh the most were all political; bless their hearts Knoxville just has SO much fun around election time. Remember the tempest in the tea pot blended up by Da Bean with her interview of the former rogue politico now reportedly hiding in a cave north of Bristol? A giant three part story that was founded on a source with the credibility of Clinton (I did NOT have sex with…) and fueled by the fire of liberal scribe who never read the rule about having two or more sources before you touch off your cannons. The positive side of the story was its literary value, granted at this point most if not all of it is under the heading of fiction. We all LOVED the threads of cloudy assumptions that the star of the canard has yet to return to Knoxville to back up. Sprinkle in the other stories about the shooting at a candidate (still under intense but quiet investigation) and the near gun play of an elected official and you have a political year rivaled only by the long dead Cas Walker.

In Blount County we have grown our downtown, seen Alcoa develop a baby "Turkey Creek", and celebrated two high school state football champions. There are tons of other great things just about to surface in Knoxville's largest suburb but to mention them would just give more folks the idea that Pell Parkway is the road to heaven and move on over. We love you guys visiting, but often you bring YANKEES when your tribe moves in mass into our county! Bless their hearts not only are more than a few of them democrats, all of them just don't get it. Come visit and spend money, but keep voting in KNOXVILLE! Thanks and have a heck of a 2007.

SANTA WEEK!!!!!!!

Santa WEEK!

Is it as good as it was when you were a kid or is it BETTER?
Ponder that in your heart and then drop a note with your thoughts either in the comments, or e mail them to me at wjonair1@aol.com.


I sure know it is different. A quick glance at the way we sing about the season lets you know this ain't your carols sung by a choir holiday anymore. Back in 1993 my favorite new Christmas singer, Bob Rivers released (or some say let escape) a seasonal record on Atlantic called I AM SANTA CLAUSE. Tunes on this now family favorite include:

WALKIN 'ROUND IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR (tune of Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree)
I CAME UPON A ROADKILL DEAR
TEDDY THE RED-NOSED SENATOR
THE UNDER TREE WORLD OF JACQUES COUSTEAU
And a host of other fine renderings.

In 1997 Rivers let another CD out of the pit called Bob Rivers presents MORE TWISTED CHRISTMAS. Featuring such heart warming tunes as:
It's THE MOST FATTENING TIME OF THE YEAR
SLED ZEPPELIN
YELLOW SNOW
THERE'S A SANTA WHO LOOKS A LOT LIKE ELVIS
BUTTCRACKER SUITE
HEY YOU GET OFF MY HOUSE
RUMMY ROCKER BOY
and a few more selections to mellow your Yule Log.

Both CDs are on Atlantic and I am sure if you are a down loader of music you can find them this time of year.

The upside to Christmas is it only comes once a year and the down side is it still only comes once a year. An old tune once talked about keeping Christmas all year long, good or bad? Again, discuss and let me know.

Things I always miss about this time of the year when February rolls around are Claxton Fruit Cakes (found at a gas station near you), TV Christmas shows including the day time drama's week long parties, and the twenty four hour cable channels that go all holiday movies. Check out the Media Report (as always go to my profile and click) for more on what is on when. Last but not least I really miss those five inches of advertising inserts in the local rag that are all done on slick paper designed to make them fall into the street or yard the second you try to find the Local section when you open the thing up.

Key to this time of the year is it is what you make it so enjoy the eggnog, eat way too much, dance alone at the office party, and start getting excited about 2007.

Merry Christmas!!

Good and Odd thoughts!

Don't forget to dash over to the media report (just click my profile and then hit the link) it updates every Sunday evening. This week there is a picture featuring the founder of the Fulton High School radio/media department and some students. As always if you can NAME anyone in the shot you win nothing!

I just got something from a regular reader of the column that fits beautifully into the season.
Check this out.

YOU CAN'T STEAL
MY CHRISTMAS

Poem by Sharon Steege


I don't know who they are
Saying I can't greet the crowd
The way that I want to
Can't say CHRISTMAS out loud.


I walk into a business place
See things that I rather not see
But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
And ask for a "holiday" tree.


What happened to freedom of speech
And living in the land of the free
How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
But can't say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.


Men and women have given their lives
So we could still go free
I wonder how they would feel
At saying "HOLIDAY" TREE.



Earlier this week an e mail showed up featuring a news story on WVLT. Folks I kid you not, THIS made the air!


Kingston Police Looking For Coin Thief
Updated: 12:26 PM Dec 11, 2006


"Kingston, Roane County (WVLT) - Police need your help finding a man they say has found a unique way to steal.
This surveillance video shows the suspect putting a five dollar bill into the automatic change dispenser at "BJ&E" car wash.

The man puts the bill in just far enough to trigger the coin drop, but not far enough to keep the machine from taking the bill.
Police believe he's done it twice to the same machine in the last two months.
They're looking for a white man, with dark hair, a stocky build and he's in his twenties to early thirties.
If you know who this might be, call the Kingston Police Department at 376-2081."


LORD HELP LOCK UP THE CHILDREN AND DOGS AND LOAD THE .12 GAGE! No really, if say this string bandit manages to make the change dispenser let go a full five dollars in quarters and he HIT IT twice in two months..UNLESS he is causing all the coins in the machine to drop... his take is just $10.00 or $2.00 a week? Bless his heart, if he would just tilt the LazyBoy in the den of his single wide I bet he could find that much at HOME!




And you are shocked at WHAT???

THE WASHINGTON TIMES
December 12, 2006


"Democratic campaign operatives pushed newspapers to write about then-Rep. Mark Foley's e-mails to teenage pages in the hope that a scandal would emerge before the midterm elections, according to a House ethics report."







AND NOW for the good stuff!!!!



Top ten signs you're on a bad date:

* 10.He eats his steak with his fingers and uses his fork to scratch his armpits.
* 9. During the movie, you notice she's holding hands with the guy on the other side.
* 8. She says "I'll probably finish my dinner before you since I have worms."
* 7. After the goodnight kiss, she tells you her real name is Bruce.
* 6. She doesn't even say "Thank You" after dinner at the A & P.
* 5. You go to Disneyland and she kicks "Goofy" in the shins.
* 4. You keep losing your date because she keeps moving to a different Internet chat room.
* 3. Instead of the bill, the waiter gives you a note that says "You run, I'll stall her!"
* 2. He hurries to drop you off by 10 because Hillary gets home at 11.
* 1. He says "Whoa! 8:15 already?"




This one is funny but dang if it ain't got a slight ring of truth to it?

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.
>> 1973 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end
>> up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
>>
>> 2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.
>> Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
>>
>> 1973 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by
>> Principal. Sits still in class.
>>
>> 2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School
>> gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad
>> gives him a whipping.
>>
>> 1973 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to
>> college, and becomes a successful businessman.
>>
>> 2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to
>> foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state
>> psychologist
>> that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison.
>> Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to
>> school.
>>
>> 1973 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the
>> smoking dock.
>>
>> 2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations.
>> Car searched for drugs and weapons.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.
>>
>> 1973 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a
>> special school for expectant mothers.
>>
>> 2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who
>> notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an
>> abortion
>> without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and
>> told to be more careful next time.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
>>
>> 1973: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
>>
>> 2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper
>> articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a
>> requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action
>> lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher.
>> English
>> banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up
>> mowing
>> lawns for a living because he can't speak English.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of
>> July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant
>> bed.
>>
>> 1973 - Ants die.
>>
>> 2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with
>> domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from
>> home,
>> computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and
>> is never allowed to fly again.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his
>> knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to
>> comfort
>> him.
>>
>> 1973 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
>>
>> 2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.
>> She faces 3 years in State Prison.
>>
>> +++++++++++++++++++++
>>
>> Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
>> 1973 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes
>> to his car and gets his to show Jack.
>>
>> 2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to
>> jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
traumatized students and teachers.

Dream Speech

We are back! Lots of good news over on the media report just hit my profile and click on it to check it out. The pictures were taken the night before the big cold front/wind rolled into our area. They are all from the banks of Little River. It was sunset and the fog was really odd due to the changing pressure.


Last week this great "dream" speech came over the cyber transom. Read it and then send it to all your buds. Do NOT fail to send it to your liberal acquaintances and if any of you can still post on knoxviews.com toss it into that batch of lefties! If you are not a visitor of knoxviews.com better hurry, more than a few folks have told me it is on the skids due to a myriad of problems. I certainly am not saying they are headed under the waves, just what those who hang out in the old city are whispering while they shop for beads and feathers. As I have said in the past I hope the site never fades away, although they are scared of posters outside of their club and they rage against anything GW and the guys do, they are great fun to read!

Here is the dream speech!



WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT
OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?








My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been
completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces
from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin
the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The
United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's
nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of
both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
countries and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that
note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you
down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the
finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely
to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
ticking us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government
really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting
now.


We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil
in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to
come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you
to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world
has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you
and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might
want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
thank a soldier.