Sunday, January 21, 2007

OLD BUT STILL FUNNY














These have been around the block a few times but they are still both funny and TRUE!


Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Knoxville market:

"Farragut Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Turkey Creek. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

"Cedar Bluff Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Magnolia Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

"Sequoya Hills Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

"Maynardville Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Halls Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Farragut Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

"Old City Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Old City Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

"Knoxville Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Carousel Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts

37 comments:

TalkGeorge said...

Back in the day they were called the Farragut Farmers! Then Ktown heard the call to "move west!...and the cash cows followed!

walker said...

Dean Hill was W A Y out of town. My folks used to eat there every Saturday night and they would talk about the COUNTRY drive and the animals they saw on the way. I used to squire around a KD back in 1967 and they had their formal there, somewhere there is a picture of us on that grand staircase. The golf course is now a mall and the big house is gone. If you wanta see a farm bout the best you can do close is the drive by Alcoa north plant and check out the cows they keep to remind the locals dem yankees ain't depurifen da water!

Great post about Denver if you wanta drop down. I had NO idea a demoRAT was reading the blog but unlike knoxviews.com they are very much welcome here!

Walker

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