Tried turkey bowling

in this hall, but the bird would not stay frozen in the heat!

WOOPS

If room-service was not there in 10 minutes the waiter turned to stone. This dude made it in 11!

NO it does not say that!

This is not the Jimmy B, Allen J. song thing it is what happens when you get a shirt made after a quart of tequila!



It's 5 o'clock
Me WHERE?

Whiskey River

From here a swimmer, floater or bobber could move down stream to the swim up bar, re-load and continue down to the hot tub.

A long walk

off a short.............

long "river" pool

Of the six pools this one was the longest and snaked around a good seafood joint and ended at a float or swim-up bar.

It also was not heated so those who road the stream had to warm up at the bar.

Even though WILMA got the palms

They set up tons of these huts to shade your bod under.

Room faced EAST

And the sun really did get your attention when it came out of the ocean in the morning!

Water color

The gulf really had a ton of color shades. There was a reef five miles out and the depth was shallow out about a quarter of a mile. With the bright sun and the wind the color of the water changed depending on the time of the day, it was shades of blue, but never real dark like the Atlantic or clear like the Caribbean.

EARLY morning waves

Early, like just before the sun came up, the waves really did look cool!

Beach and shade

Tractors cleaned the beach at first light and there was never a fight for a chair or a towel.

Beach next door

Beach ran for miles and connected with the scattered resorts, but next door they didn't clean it every morning.

Sand WAS this white

Miles of really good sand that never was hot even when the days got into the mid 80s.
ALL of the palm trees were either topped out or new because of the storm last year.

Tile all over the place

Even with miles of tile and concrete the resort had been closed for two weeks due to WILMA visiting last year. The rebuild coupled with the bright Mexican sun tossed great shadows on all of the outside halls.

No seasons in Mexic

No seasons in Mexcio give you flowers year round!

REDNECK TAN, pool was heated, air was 86 and the Sprink Break Animals were 40 miles away!

dang it all to heck

Da VOLS are now done, tried but just could NOT beat some dork Kansas team! Let us all hold hands and look to the fall as Phil and the kids try it one more time. As for next winter, these boys will have a few of da Pearls new kids in their tent and life should be great fun!

Lots of winter nights running out of the parking lot in the cold to see da Pearl this year, but next will be even better!

Mr. Blogster is drinking again and won't post pictures, lord I don't even know if this dang text mess will make it but I am going to give it a shot.

thoughts for St. Pats day and more!

Hangovers If you don't laugh, then you just can't relate. Guess you had to have been there one time or another..........

One Star Hangover (*): No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively! well; however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**): No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. ! There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***): Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****): Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the &! nbsp;bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****): You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. In fact, you are probably still drunk. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be t! o splash the toilet ;water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now!

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry, but you're not really my type. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

FIRST, I told Denver if we won in the first round I would take him to the river and on the way let him admire our great forsithia bush that is going nuts on the corner of the estate!

THEN I told him he could drink out of LITTLE RIVER!

The walk down relaxed us after the 8.4 second last ditch shot that sent da VOLS into the next round. Neighbors trees are really getting excited about SPRING!

Last thing we noticed was some guys fishing just up from our lot, we yelled to tell them da VOLS won and they yelled back their appreciation. Denver relaxed and ambled back to the estate.

Ideas

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

YES THEY ARE ALIVE!

Just got some good THOUGHTS




1) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators > would> be dead."> -Johnny Carson>

2) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."> -Paul Rodriguez>

3) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and> that's the law."> -Jerry Seinfeld>

4) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you> have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.> What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"> -Warren Hutcherson>

5) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."> -Oscar Wilde>

6) "Suppose you were an idiot And suppose you were a member of Congress...> But I repeat myself."> -Mark Twain>

7) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least> they can find Afghanistan."> -A. Whitney Brown>

8) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a> look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"> -Dave Barry>

9) Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was > taken.> -Unknown, presumed deceased

CHURCH QUESTION!

> How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

>> Charismatic : Only 1> Hands are already in the air.
>> Pentecostal : 10> One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
>> Presbyterians : None> Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
>> Roman Catholic : None !> Candles only.
>> Baptists : At least 15.> One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change> and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken .
>> Episcopalians: 3> One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about> how m! uch better the old one was.
>> Mormons : 5> One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
>> Unitarians :> We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need> for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that> light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a> modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which> we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including> incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are> equally valid paths to luminescence.
>> Methodists : Undetermined> Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved.> You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of> your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
>> Nazarene : 6> One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting> policy.
>> Lutherans: None> Lutherans don't believe in change.
>> Amish :> What's a light bulb?

First look at brick, hidden since 1878

You should see the pictures of this room NOW that it is done!

Here is a goodern...
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and replied, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

some good jokes

If you will just scroll down, not a clue why the blog god left this big space?

When the knee is willing, so am

A guy out on the golf course gets hit in the crotch.Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week.The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; ..an impressive work of art.The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."He immediately drops his pants and replies,....................... "Look at this,....still in the CRATE!"

WHAT A DAY!

All windows are open and although I am still on a stick and can't go one on one with anything living, it feels like SPRING! Got a few gathering from Mr Lou the Insurance man! Hope you LIKE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OK Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with.. "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time... - A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

March 1st!

The cherry tree in the front yard is getting started and by Easter it will look just like this picture. When my Dad was alive (what a dork thing to day, sorry) He used to look out the window at Easter lunch and talk about how great that cherry tree looked! He used great rather than beautiful cause he was not a girly man and it fit him better.

He died in March so when the limbs start to wake up we all remember him.

Now for MORE happy thoughts!

The Feb. TV ratings are over and although WBIR kicked the other two "news" producing stations to death some odd but fun numbers materialized in the over nights durning the Olympics. WBIR was still running that what nationally turned out to be a mega looser "The Games" and WVLT and WATE had the 11 pm slot all to themselves.

WVLT actually BEAT WATE at 11 and then SHOCK OF SHOCKS on Monday evening with NO OLYMPICS on at 11, WVLT beat them again.

Reason this is so odd is the fact that WVLT is the bottom feeder of the three and their late night anchor guy is just scary! You know, low end GAME SHOW HOST SCARY, with a touch of Home Shopping persona tossed in to smooth out the plastic! I will say that WVLT has added some tepid to warm looking women on the anchor desk, but at 11, this guy sucks all the oxygen out of the room and replaces it with methane!

SO the giant question is HOW can WVLT even win ONE when the Olympics are gone and the powerhouse, WBIR is back in the hunt at 11? Heck if I know, could be so many watched CSI (a CBS/WVLT show) and got used to hanging with WVLT at 11 that they are just in a flipper lock at 11? Folks, if you happen to be one of them and are looking around, trust me, WATE does a great job also and I still find BIR a great home for local news before the dogs go out to pee that one last time. Try all of them again and if you are still returning to WVLT at 11 then bless their hearts they must be offering enough quality product to over come the dry, used car salesman, scary man who spits it at us from the anchor desk.

Lord what a fun rant, naturally nothing like this will be in the column but if you wanta see the Monday numbers for WVLT check out hallsnews.com anytime after March 1st and click on my name.

Hey, if you ever have a comment about anything you read or see in this adventure PLEASE send it on I would really enjoy hearing how you agree with me! Or not?